chage of heart

my first column...bow!

2008-02-03T17:43:00.000+08:00

author's note: ito po ang pinaka una kong column sa The New Builder, ang oficial student publication ng Mapua. ito po ay ang raw na gawa ko para kay Armand, Editor-in-Chief namin. makikita natin balang araw, sa paglabas ng unang issue ng taong 2008, kung ganu ka rami ang mawawala sa original kong gawa dahil pers taym ko pong sumulat ng ganire...at least ng isang matinong ganire...at marami pa po akong rooms for improvement. i-negate na po natin yung ginawa ko nung high school dahil basura lang po talaga yun. now, without further ado...

Wonderland

MORPHEUS

Do you want to know what the Matrix is, Neo?

NEO swallows and nods his head.

MORPHEUS

It's that feeling you have had all your life. That feeling that something was wrong with the world. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad, driving you to me. But what is it? It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

NEO

What truth?

MORPHEUS

That you are a slave, Neo. That you, like everyone else, was born into bondage...kept inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

NEO

How?

MORPHEUS

Hold out your hands.

In Neo's right hand, Morpheus drops a red pill. In his left, a blue pill.

MORPHEUS

You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. Remember that all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more.

Neo opens his mouth and swallows the red pill. The CHESHIRE SMILE returns.

MORPHEUS

Follow me.

The Matrix, 1999

Released by Warner Brothers Pictures

Choices in general

Choices have always been a hard kicker ever since the world began. It is as relentless as a pack of Scourge trailing your sorry hide even after evading them, blinking away from them and even stunning such darn creeps. From choosing the sweeter candy or picking the better toy, choices will always knock at your brain amidst your daydreaming.

As I was on my way home one late evening, I came upon a common dilemma among students, a fork on the road, if you may – should I ride a jeep or an FX? Yes, you would scowl at me at such shallow circumstance. FYI, it may be a decision of a lifetime. So let me break it down for the benefit of those doubting Thomases raising their brows.

Let’s say I went for the jeep. Pros of such choice are quite evident for the thrifty. Taking that option may well give me that coveted 20 percent student discount in my fare. Not to mention that jeep fares are already 50 percent cheaper than the alternative. But with the price comes that slap in the face. Literally. Have you ever experienced being bogged up with black smoke by those monster-of-a-truck? Not to mention the accessibility of thugs and thieves ready to plunder on your sweet valuables. On the other hand, FX offers the convenience of taxis at a much cheaper price. Though a little more expensive than the conventional jeep, FX caters to students with a little more budget in their hands. Now comes the nail biter. With its confined space for a passenger of 10, there is a much greater chance for crooks to actually send that FX to a dark spot and take your ever-valuable PSP. In short, confined spaces more often than not equate to more vehicular robbery cases. I guess victims can back me up on this claim.

So what does this all mean? Any choice will always have pros and cons. It is in the realization and recognition of its effect to an individual at a personal level that gives the true meaning of a choice in the first place.

Blank choices are not choices at all.

Responsibility and choices

People tend to carry the weight of the world upon their shoulders. With an unending supply of complementary drama, responsibilities will always and forever be a shadow of one’s choice. Unfortunately, due to the dynamics of modern animosity, majority of us are inclined to set aside, if not totally neglect, the responsibility of our choices.

I really can not see the essence of someone taking loads when they can not fulfill their duties in doing so. I am just a common student and I know excellent credentials and insurmountable industrial experience are a big wow. But is the blinding diploma hanging in the wall or the title sticking beside the name all that there is to it? I don’t think so. I’d rather have an average friend as a peer adviser than someone at the brink of a vegetative state. I really don’t have anything against ill-stricken people but I know I deserve something much better. I know everyone does. I think no institute would want its students to have weak education. Weak education means a weak foundation. And a weak foundation means downgraded engineers. That I am sure is a no-no for any school. I just hope this would be looked upon and accounted for as I have drained away by something that could have been prevented from the start.

People do tend to swallow more than they can chew.

Invitation to my fate

Welcome to my freshly popped column. Yes I know this is yet another spot for personal views and in sights. But before you turn that page and leaf up to the centerfold or to the Coed’s page, I want to tell you something that you might want to consider. Read further for details.

As I was saying, TNB have once again opened up a slot for personal notes on important issues. And yes this is PSEUDONYM – loosely defined as a fictitious name used by an author to conceal his or her identity. In short, a pen name. Now why would you want to have a pen name? Or further continue reading, for that matter?

Like what I have been babbling on and on for the previous paragraphs, this column is provided by TNB to be a slot for personal notes and important issues. And with that, I am giving this slot to our loyal, if not forced, readers. Yes, I am giving the Mapuan community – whether you’re a student, a faculty, an administrator or whatever – the opportunity to use this spot for any relevant issues. Just send me an email. Send me a text message. Give me a knock at our office. Tap me at the back wherever and whenever in Mapua. Just let me know your concern and I would personally give an in depth research on your inquiry and set everything straight on your behalf.

Why? Well, you can always take the blue pill and let your story, your issues, and your drama end. You can wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. On the other hand, you can take the red pill and stay in Wonderland and I will personally show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. Remember that what I will offer you is the truth.

Nothing more.

Greetings

Wow! This IS an actual wide-scale greeting spot. Haha! I would just like to greet my parents for always understanding my everyday early mornings and late nights. I also would like to extend my advanced Congratulations and Happy Wedding to my Kuya Vixen and Ate Anna on 08-08-08. Of course I will not forget to say wazzup to my TNB family – ThessQ, Joe, Patty, Dothz, Nash, Bhadz, my batch mates Tessa, Harold, Paulo and Allan, my co-editors Armand, Ean, Stephen and Mel, and our Adviser Prof. Benigno Agapito, Jr. Hello also to my best pals Jerson Sta. Ana and Frank Tan.

I guess that will be all. I am not yet saying my goodbyes anyway. Hope to hear from you Mapuans soon.

Contacts

PSEUDONYM email: pseudonym.tnb@gmail.com

Contact no.: Cel# – 09153202726

TNB office – 2475000 loc. 3401

Blog: beshan.blogspot.com

i'm sooo happeee!!!

2007-12-16T16:23:00.000+08:00

i'm happy.

as simple as that.

why?

let me see...

-i passed all my subject this term. akala ko e totopakin yung prop ko at ilalaglag ako...dun pa sa
2 major ko. lalo na yang lintek na geo na yan na sobrang wala kaming basis for grading maliban na lang sa palpak kong quizzes, nerve-racking naming reporting at kopyahan mode ko na finals. i was most definitely wrong...in fact...he even gave me a high mark. para akong bata na binigyan ng kendi pagkatapos bunutan. i'm sooo happeee! damn it feels good...i hope magtagal ang ganireng pakiramdam. balita ko kasi pag puro major ka na e mejo rare ang matataas na grades. heaven sent na ang tres...(well except kay master armand...1.25 is quite a dissapointment...hehe...pis tayu ser!) nevertheless, ayos na lahat ng academic probelms ko sa previous term. on to the next hell term...god save my soul!

-i was chosen to be the next features editor ng tnb. yay! my dream come true. after all my efforts sa bodega e somehow nakita nila na deserving ako sa position na 'to. kaya ang maibabalik ko lang e ang maging isang mabuting bata at ayusin ang trabahong nakalaan sa akin. to all those who made my promotion possible, ay tenk yu! sa wakas may scholarship na ako na sa akin na talaga nakapangalan. mukang dito ko na masisimulang maisaayos ang takbo ng aking long over due na pag-aaral. hayz...tenks talaga!

-may bago na kaming teebee sa kwarto. hehe. nanalo si erpats sa raffle ng x'mas party nila. mababaw man titignan pero semi-big deal siya ngayon sa bahay namin. demet kasi ang bakasyon na 'to e. hindi naman sa ayaw ko pero pag sumobra kasi e nakakabagot na. at least pag may teebee na sa kwarto e makakapanood na ako ng porn...este...vcd's, teebee shows at kung anu-ano pa. kaya ko nga kinarir na ayusin ang kwarto namin ngayong para masaya ang atmospir ng pagtatambayan ko for the most of my christmas vacation. actually pwede naman ako gumimik from time to time. kaso parang puro bcbchan pa rin ang mga tropa ko e - hayskul frends man o taga bodega. anyway, i promis to take care of you, my baby teebee...hehe. kaya sa mga may balak gumimik jan e txt nu lang ako e col ako jan. any place, any time...hehe!

***

i'm sad...quite...

as simple as that.

let me count the why's:

PUCHA!

...h'wag na muna.
sa ibang post na lang.
masaya na ako e.
sisirain ko pa ba mood ko.
hehe...
next time na lang 'pag nasa senti mood na ako...

as of now...

i'm happy.

as simple as that!

plain and simple

2007-10-28T11:06:00.000+08:00

i don't feel so good.
i feel that there is something wrong.
i want things to stay the same.
i don't want bonds breaking.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY

hind ko kayo tatantanan

2007-10-21T20:48:00.000+08:00

anu nga ba ang dapat na paguugali ng isang tao?
dapat bang maging mabait?
dapat bang maging totoo?
dapat bang maging santo?

anu ba ang maging mabait?
'yung oo na lang ng oo sa lahat ng ibabato sayu?
'yung kahit nakakainis na at sobrang nakakapangkulo na ng dugo e parang wala lang sa tuwing ipapakita mo ang ikinikilos mo?
'yung maging plastic for the sake of harmony? for the sake of a crumbling relationship?

anu ba ang maging totoo?
totoo in a sense na alam mo ang tama at yun ang ginagawa mo?
totoo in a sense na kahit alam mo na mali ang iba e ipapaliwanag mo sa kanya ang kanyang pagkakamali? o mananahimik ka na lang?
totoo in a sense na ok lang ang lahat kapag biruan pero nagkikimkim ka ng sama ng loob pag trabaho na ang usapan?

anu ba ang maging santo?
parang si judy ann santos na kahit nginungudngod na ang mukha sa batsa ng maduming labada e parang nagpapa-feysyal lang kay vicki belo at ok na ang lahat?
parang kahit ikaw na ang pinaka maskulado sa balat ng mundo at buhat mo na ang daigdig e ngiti ka lang at ikakatwiran mo pa sa lahat na "para ma-experience ko lang..."
parang kahit na taguan na ang eksena sa hirap ng buhay e ikaw na lang ng ikaw ang nagtatrabaho at pinagtatawanan ka lang ng mga lintek na magagaling?

NO! NO! NO!

SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

...i don't think so...

so let me introduce to you myself...

ahem...

ako kasi ang isang tao na confrontational.
hindi ako nakikipagsapakan on the spot.
mukha akong bouncer pero tamed naman ako within.
kapag may problema ako sayo e i'd be more than willing to find a way to talk to you.
perhaps matagal bago ko magawa.
perhaps malilimutan ko na yung problema sa sobrang tagal.
pero if i found a chance to talk to you and i did, ok na ako dun.
ok na tayo...dapat...
ok in a sense na naintindihan mo ang problema ko at naintindihan ko ang problema mo at nagkasundo na tayo ng buong puso.
but for whatever reason e hindi pa rin tayu ok...
e mas malaking problema yun.
ika nga ni mike enriquez e hindi kita tatantanan.
talagang hindi kita tatantanan
yes...
i may look lyk a complete idiot at some time.
lewd most of the time.
nonsense almost every time.
pero when worse comes to worst.
when problems come in and devour my environment.
'wag ka...
malulunod ka sa akin.
magbabago ang pananaw mo sa akin at sinasabi ko sayo e makikinig ka talaga sa akin.
uulitin ko...
at pag hindi ka nakinig, babalikan kita hangga't hindi mo ako naiintindihan...
ipaiintindi ko sayo ang problema ko...
kung ako mali...
ok lang...at least natuto ako.
ok lang sa akin na mapahiya as long as natututo ako.
pero siguraduhin mo lang na may sense ka kung hindi...
makakatikim ka sa mga prinsipyo ko...

so dat's me when it comes to such issues.

may nakakarelate ba o talagang weird lang ang disposisyon ko sa buhay?

gusto ko sanang isa-isahin ang lahat ng mga tao sa paligid ko na nakapagpalitan ko na ng kurukuro kaso baka tawagan ako ng kumare ni ninong na si kumareng JK Rowling para i-publish ang nobelang magawa ko.

but due to insistent personal and psychological demands...
i-isa-isahin ko ang lahat ng mga taong ito hanggat makakaya ko...(blind item please...)

-nakatunggali ko na siya nuon. i made it to a point na makausap ko siya. i really don't know kung nagkaintindihan kami nuon o lalu lang kaming nag-away pero as of now e i really appreciate his outrageous honesty. perhaps because of that confrontation e ok n kami ngayun as compared before.

-second confrontation. very shallow. very silent. dahil lang sa isang trabahong unfortunately e napagitnaan ko. just a tap at the shoulder and i think ok na....sana...

-triple kill...mas mababaw. biruan na nauwi sa personal issues. need i explain more. basta as of press time e weird pa ang lahat and ika nga ni hermione granger e "i've got loads to tell you," nagkausap man kami before pero i didn't feel the sincerity of it. isang opportunity lang talaga ang ibigay sa akin e you will most definitely feel my words.

-sayang ka iha...i had my highest regards for you before. i even tried to defend you. but due to certain events e everything went crashing down. pakuswelo de bobo e nakausap na kita. usapan na maituturing ko na isa sa pinakamatinung conversation sa talangbuhay ko sa kolehiyo. it truly tested my character and beliefs. however, it just too unfortunate na kailangan pang mauwi sa ganun para lang magkaintindihan tayu. hindi ko alam ang reaksyones mo about such pero i believe we can start fixing the broken foundation. i trust you naman in that regards.

...i think those mentioned above are enough.
others may be too early to consider...
pwede in the future when they matter in my life.

but as of now
it is much better na ganito ako.
i'm happy this way.
i hope they are happy the way they are.

PS: sa mga taong malapit sa akin sa mundong ginagalawan ko ngayon e nawa'y maging matatag tayo sa pagsubok ng buhay at muli nating itaguyod ang mundong unti-unti nang nababalutan ng kung anu mang lecheng kadugyutan...siya nawa...

redundancy department of redundancy

2007-09-11T22:29:00.000+08:00

alam mo yung feeling na parang nangyari na ang isang bagay?
'yung tipong "...ito na naman...!?"
hindi ba amfness yung ganun.
parang pinaglalaruan ka ng isang mamang nasa likod ng techpen at nagdodrowing sa likod ng math notebook ng tadhana.
kung anu ang i-drowing niya e ala kang magagawa dahil kapag pumalag ka e buburahin ka niya.
sarap sabihin sa mamang iyon...

"DEMET KA! GANDAHAN MO NAMAN ANG TRIP MO!"

pero syempre hindi mo talaga pwedeng gawin yun kasi magmumukha kang tanga sa mata ng iba.
ang pwede mo na lang gawin ay ang sumangayon at maging sunud-sunuran sa daloy ng pagkaka-ayos ng grid lines ng kwadernong nakakainis (i.e. math notebook...nagbabasa ka ba!?)

pero anu nga ba ang dapat gawin para maging masaya ang kalokohang buhay na sinusunod natin?

...mabuhay bilang isang tuliro't hilo?
...magpakasira-ulo sa mga gawaing animo'y walang kabuluhan?
...mag-inarte sa kalsada habang nag-yoyosi at magmuni-muni over someone or something impossible? (hmm...)
...pagtawanan ang lahat ng kaguluhan sa buhay sa harap ng lahat ng katalsik laway mo at umiyak na lang sa bahay kapag ang lahat ng kadaupang-palad mo ay tumalikod na at kapwa nagmumuk-mok sa kani-kanilang bahay-aliwan...este...bahay?
...or none of the above?

ikaw?
anu sa tingin mo ang dapat gawin?

ako kasi parang ginawa ko na ang lahat para maka-alpas sa lintek na bolpen of destiny na yan eh.
pero parang ipinagdidildilan niya na ikaw ay maging ganito...maging ganyan...
kailangan ganito ka sa kanila.
kailangan maging ganito ka sa kanya.
kailangan ganito ang gawin mo para maging ganito kayo.

amfness...amf-mode...amf...amf...amf...

pero in fairness...minsan...pag nasa tama akong ulirat eh astig ang ganitong set up.
yung sobrang magpapakasasa ka sa same, old, boring routines para 'pag may bago e you will cherish that change in you.
at pag nagsawa ka ulet sa change na yun eh may darating ule na bago ang the cycle repeats itself...

...i guess that's life...

though it hurts...
though it sucks...
though it's tough...

...that's life...

sana nga lang eh matapos na ang dapat matapos para pag tapos na eh tapos na rin ang pag-iisip, ang paghahaka-haka, pagdaramdam, paglalaway, pagkakamot at pagpapakaplastik...
and when that day comes...

...heaven...

daig niya ang lahat ng heaven na nararamdamang heaven-heaven-an ng iba.
ang heaven-heaven-an na nakukuha daw sa weekly-ing pagniniig...
ang heaven-heaven-an na nakukuha daw sa yosi at inom...
ang heaven-heaven-an na nakukuha daw sa kung kanino man...

i think heaven is being free...
free from the mapanuring standards ng madlang punyemas makapagdeklara ng katotohanan ay parang sila na at sila lang ang magaling...

kung heaven na nga sila e good for them...
if not....may you find your truths and be stranded in that heaven forever...

...as for me...my heaven is yet to come...
...let de ja vu be unto me until such heaven comes...
...may it be not that long...because the cycle is getting into my nerves...

...peste...

saan nagkamali

2007-09-07T07:16:00.000+08:00

ang bawat isa sa atin ay nagkamali nang minsan. mula sa buhay, larangan na napili, pag-ibig, pamilya, kaibigan at marami pang iba. kung tutuusin pa nga ay parang kung ilan ang tama na nagawa natin sa tanang buhay natin ay doble naman ang pagkakamali.

pero bakit nga ba? kasalanan nga ba naitn yun? ng iba? ng mga bagay na hindi maiiwasan?

saan naman kaya tayu nagkakamali? kung anung kursong kukunin? kung anong daan ang tatahakin? kung sinong iibigin? kung sinong kaibigan ang pipiliin? kung sinong magulang ang pipiliin? kung sinong pakikisamahan? kung sinong babarubalin?

may isang lalaki. katamtaman ang laki. katamtaman ang kulay. nasa tamang edad. nasa tamang pag-iisip...ngunit wala sa luagr. PU@$*NG IN* sa umaga. PU@$*NG IN* sa tanghali. PU@$*NG IN* sa gabi.

"sa susunod kasi magluto ka ng ulam ng maaga, gago!"

"wag kang magulo! istorbo ka e!" "ARAY! PU@$*NG IN* naman o!"

"SUS! shut up!"

iyan ang mga kataga ng lalaki, mula daw sa puso, paglalamibing at natural niyang damdamin, para kanyang pinakamamahal na...ina...

may isang lalaki. malaki ang pangangatawan. simple. walang kyeme. matalino. hindi naman kapangitan, kung tutuusin. ngunit duwag. masyadong matalino. dumating na ang rosas. dumating na ang tulip. dumating na ang lahat ng uri ng bulaklak. tahimik. utak. kimkim. walang imik. sumipa. tahimik.

"pano kung sabihin ko na gusto kita?"
"ok, i'm flattered..."

"mahal ko na siya, p're!"
"kung ako lang eh ayoko na ng first time. nakakadala e...pagnakakita ng iba, iiwan lang ako"

"alam mo ba minsan nagpapalano nga ako ng malupet na date eh."
"pramis mo yun ah, kaw talaga...nakalimutan mo na...sorry na kung nagtampo ka..."

"'pre, may gusto ako sa isang tao"
"75% ang chance na kilala ko kung sino yan..."
"ano kaya ang magandang gawin?"

salitang walang patutunguhan...o siya nga ba? may upos pa bang naiwan na maaari pang magningas? o tuluyan nang nanguluntoy at namatay sa agos ng panahon?

may isang lalaki. nakatingin sa salamin. hilo. lito. may hawak na patalim. mahaba. purol. kinakalawang. pamatay. lumuha ang lalaki. nalaglag ang patalim. lumuhod ang lalaki. tinulak ang salamin. bumagsak. basag. kumalat. kaguluhuan. dugo.

"saan ba kasi ako lulugar?"
"isip ka kasi ng isip eh. PUCHA!"
"kahit saan pwede ako."

"they will remember this as THE day...babalikan ito ng lahat. ikaw at ang likha mo ang gugunitain nila"

"i can't wait...kailan ka kaya?"
"it comes when it comes."

"ang hirap ng ganito."
"isipin mo na lang na ang buhay mo ang parang pelikula. boring naman kung walang pampakulay. corny kung straight forward."

"pumasok na ba sa isip ko ang sumuko?"

"hmm...dati nung bata...nung mas magulo pa buhay ko..."

"e ngayon?"

"hmm...hindi ko alam...'wag andami ko pang gustong gawin eh"

"talaga?"

"oo naman"

"good luck. may matapos ka kaya?"

"sana..."

"i doubt."

"kaya yan..."

"ganyan nanaman..."

"anung gusto mong gawin ko?"

"plan. know what you really want. act on it. stupid!"

tapeerweyr

2007-08-21T18:42:00.000+08:00

Plastic can cover many synthetic or semisynthetic polymerization products. They are composed of organic condensation or addition polymers and may contain other substances to improve performance or economics. There are few natural polymers generally considered to be "plastics". Plastics can be formed into objects or films or fibers. Their name is derived from the fact that many are malleable, having the property of plasticity.

- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

bakit ba kailangang magpakaplastik?

...para ba magpasikat?

...para ba maging masaya ang lahat?

...para ba masabing ikaw ay ganito at ganyan?

...para ba astig ka sa mata ng iba?

...para ba walang problema?

...o para 'wag malaman ang tunay na nadarama? (...madramang pananalita...)

so bakit nga ba?

ikaw...oo ikaw na nagbabasa?

naging plastik ka na ba?

kailan?

bakit?

saan?

kanino?

kung normal kang tao, nakakailang magpakaplastik.

kailangan mong magmaskara, di ba?

kailangan mong maging magaling na artista, di ba?

kailangan kung anu sabihin sayo e oo ka lang, tawa ka lang, sangayon ka lang, biro ka lang, di ba?

so what's the point of being plastik?

mas madali magpaka-totoo di ba?

o hindi?

anadami mo rin kasing dapat i-consider pag nagpaka-totoo ka e...

yung sasabihin ng iba,

yung iisipin ng iba,

yung iisipin mo...

at marami pang iba...

have you been honest lately?

blogger update

2007-08-18T12:44:00.000+08:00

it's quite evident that blog posts during this season will revolve around the mishaps of people facing the challenges offered by the storm. from the eternal flood problems to the relentless strong-wind trecking, activities will surely be daunting.

then again, for the weird sense of things, i found myself a little bit out of synch.
why?
i really don't know...
perhaps i was a complete jerk to snuggle on my...er...other's bed, "meditate" (thanks ate anna for the insightful term), and sleep worthlessly...ergo...become a boring bum.

but one thing i found quite amusing, in a sympathetic point of view, is knowing how others behaved, lived out and bored themselves during the same climate.

let us count and observe their boredom, excitement and more boredom...
let's just follow the marked prey for everyone's convenience...

-Bansheensesa: hmm... i called her up just this morning to confirm if classes were really suspended. and the thing is, i called up the wrong person. know why? she doesn't have any classes on saturdays. but fortunately, she was kind enough to give an assuring answer. thanks tess! btw, it seems she and her "prince" met amidst the raging weather. how do i know? they had consecutive tags at ate eunice's blog. time of delay: 2 minutes. correct me if i'm wrong. anyway, if i'm wrong, so much for my analysis. she also misses paulo...don't ask me why...
-Barcodester: hmm...according to him, he is bitching around. pigging around, pigging around and pigging around is what he's doing. "anorexic pig" is what he tagged himself. at least i have company...wahaha...enjoy it while it lasts...
-CoEd master: death to the blog...sorry, no news for the NEWS editor.
-Crimson Amber Sushi: no update...hmmm...love is truly in the air...inspite the heavy gusts and roaring winds...hehe...enough said.
-Dyesabel: hmm...she has got to be one of the most active blogger in the list. she has once more ridiculed herself and her Rochi peeps. then again, the post is about laziness...hehe. she seems to be transforming into her mother. oh no! ate anna is already a mom. i can't imagine...(joke!)
good luck to Ambrose Hsu, Jay Justiniani and "teddy bear"
-El Valentino / El Valentino del segunda: no update...hmmm...another victim to cupid's arrow. love may well be equated to less blogging and more snuggling. conversely, yours truly! last heard is he's applying for the job Ernie Baron left...hehe...with links for the latest weather update, we'll soon be calling him for class suspension announcements......next!
-Kuborikikiamness: hmm...excitement? fear? let his tags do the talking. try being verbally mobbed by a human grease (please translate) and be asked for a quickie. that's got to be one for the books. another cf topic perhaps...wahaha...then again, tess will surely be on shaky grounds after that post. then again and again, perhaps they've already met and laughed their hearts out. or maybe not...
-Master Blogger: being a master that he is, the hunter may not be able to analyze his masterness...
-Moshi-moshi manika / Moshi-moshi manika-reborn: need i reiterate the obvious? ean=eaunice...do the math...
-Ms. French Fries: one of the baby of the warehouse (bodega, fyi) is in her sugar-coated self once more. her heart problems have been overlayed by her inching maturity and may well be a good sign in her last 2 years of love-waiting. let's just wait and see what will happen to her and her "pappy". will they live happily ever after?
-Nashinator / Nashinator-v2.0: hmm...no posts...coould he still be under the same crimson state of the in love...?
-Porn Editor: we need brooms, mops scrubbers and cleaning agents to remove the grime, stains, cob webs and all the sediments enveloping this blog. knock-knock sir Ray...he's obviously still in love with ate Pia...add the burden that is work...equals the blog that SapaniKokok is.
-Sir Chikinix-no update since his dual-post-in-an-hour post...redundant eh?! could it be he's falling in love...with you baby...(fyi, the last sentence is to the tune of a familiar song that i can't recall the title of...thanks!)
-The Aguinaldo Giver:a total makeover. whiteness is the key. though still under construction, it is promising. you have returned in deed. may it be temporary or permanent, it really depends on your mood and the circumstances, right? i just hope that with the reconstruction of the blog, the wall may well be reconstructed to a much lower, more fragile and more loose-bricked one. *wink*
-The Cartoonisrta: no posts...perhaps busy with his MMORPG...we will never know. again, congrats on your centennial post. i shall repeat myself, i accept kisses and other chocolates via mail, thank you!
-The Kingpin: no post...hmm...i really don't have any idea about our warehouse chief. too open yet too secretive. we'll just see you on tuesday...perhaps he's editing. most probably...

i guess that's it.
i'm just going to add one person. she doesn't have any blog but i think she's worth mentioning. she's part of the family anyway...

-News Diva: she IS hooked up with her books. she's not into going out of the house that much because of the rain, obviously. well, that goes for all of us. anyway, good luck on your books. may it enrich your soul, your heart and your mind...blah, blah...(",)

did i left anyone? tag me if i do...(",)

PS: as for me...i'm a complete bum...plain and simple...deeper thoughts in the future...
i'm too hurt and too distracted to share...

my way

2007-08-08T10:06:00.001+08:00

to end is to quit;

to quit is to give up;

to give up is to move on;

to move on is to let go;

to let go is to open doors;

to open doors is to let someone in;

to let someone in is to be there for her;

to be there for her is to be true;

to be true is to believe in one's self;

to believe in one's self is to realize what you want;

to realize what you want is to see the light;

and to see the light is to end it all.

innocence is blissness

2007-08-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

According to Howard Gardner, people are not born stupid...
people have different "forms", if you may, of intelligences...7 to be exact...:

-verbal/linguistic...like debaters and hosts (ie. the Sir Armand type)
-logical/mathematical...like critical analysts and teachers (ie. the Sir Armand type...again...)
-visual/spatial...like artists and painters (ie. the Ate Yunisee and Paulo type)
-musical/rhythmic...like singers, musicians and lyricists (ie. the Tessa and Stephen type)
-bodily/kinesthetic...like athletes and gymnasts (ie. the Dothz type)

...

and the last two...
-interpersonal...those who are able to condone others convincingly (ie. the Nash type...i think)
-intrapersonal...those who are able to condone themselves convincingly

so what...

everyone took their PSY101...haven't they?

but have you ever thought where you belong...
where do i belong?
am i fluently glib?
am i logically illogical?
am i artistically boring?
am i harmoniously cacophonous?
am i skillfully clumsy?

or am i an extroverting introvert?

am i making sense?
such dwelling in my chaotic mind has resorted me to consider my intelligence level.

i am lost in translation...
i was having fun with all those around me but i still felt ostracized...
why?
long story...
only the strong hearted and heavily tested will understand...
enough literary gibberish...

bring back my tongue...

*whew*

nakawala den...
nagdugo ang ilong ko dun ah...
ang hirap palang intindihin ang sarili...
lalo na pag ang sarili mo ang nangangailangan ng tulong...
ang hirap tulungan ang sarili...
sa hinabahaba ng intro...ang punto lang nmn ni beshan e sabihin kung gaano
nakakainis ang intrapersonal-ness nya...
bakit...
let's find Dora to help us count the reasons:
1. madrama. ayoko na ng drama. nakakasawa. kesyo me against the world. kesyo nobody loves me. kesyo suicide kung suicide. utot mo! hindi nmn ginagawa...hanggng salita lang nmn...
tapos ang kinalabasan e ang annoying interferrrence ng intrapersonal-ness ng aking kabuuan (being sa banyaga...la ng...feeling tag-eng diksyo...) tapos ok na ule...tapos...tapos na...walang closure...bitin baga.
2. nakakasawa. lagi na lang. parang ulan. parang album na vinyl na long playing na binasag ni Karen...in short, sirang plaka. mahigit 2 deklada ko na siyang kasama...pointless na ba? hay...TRIPLE KILL...

(note: before we continue, dapat by now alam mo na kung ano ang sense ng pitak na 'to at ang ibig sabihin ng intrapersonal...if not, go back to square one or talk to a psych specialist...thank you!)

3. weird. enough said...dagdag ko lang...parang ka-otistic-an...talking to ur self at sinasabi mong ok lng yan...
4. puno't dulo. ng ano? kaguluhan? world peace? hunger? ungas...e di ang problema mo nuon pa...e di ang over excessive and extreme application of analytical and superfluously unnecessary pagiisip (please revert to "discombobulation" for more details, thank you mike!). un na un...PUCHA!
5. plastic. Orocan. Zooey. Tupperware. Liwayway (gawgaw yun ah...) atbp. kanino? sa sarili ko ba o sa iba? sa totoo lang, dahil na rin sa intrapersonal-ness ko e hindi ko na alam. consciously e i'm honest...sub...feeling ko hindi...pano ko nalaman...napanaginipan ko si Sigmund Freud at sabi niya "ANG PLASTIK MO!!!" sabay bigay ng kendi...sa bandang ito e hindi pa malinaw ang punto...super psyche kasi ang issue na to e...hay...

good thing?

hmm...personal ok-ness...un lang...
luge ano? asar...

ngayong oras na to hindi ko nga alam kung may napapala ako sa pagmumuni ko e...siguro wala...
pde rin merun...na niloloko ko ang sarili ko para maging masaya sa kabila ng patung-patong na problema...

text nyu nga ako kung gusto nyo ng problema...i'm more than willing to share...
enummerate ko?
'wag na...mainggit pa kayo...
at matanda na si Dora hindi ko pa tapos ilista...
naraitng na niya ang Blistering Mountain of Choco Poopoo e nasa intro pa lang ako...
hay...Dora...bakit ka nasali sa usapan...
anyway...
matagal-tagal pa bago ko malagpasan ang porblema ko...
at ang tanging maasahan ko ay ang sarili ko.
ang makipag plastikan sa sarili ko para lang mabuhay ng masaya...
pag hindi ko na kaya e iiyak na alng ako ng bigla sa isang tabi, yakap ang unan kong puro laway at ikakalma ang utak kong hilo...para ulitin ang buong gulong ng buhay na makulay...

ika ng ng isa sa mga tropa kong matalik...
"isispin mong parang pelikula ang buhay...boring kung straight forward. mas maganda kung may twists para mas mabenta sa audience baga..."

parang ganun ang sabi niya...
the point is...if life is a problem, it will most definitely have a solution. 'pag wala, then why bother finding a solution, wala nmn pala e...d ba? makes sense...

cge beshan ease out all the mental puss out of your brain...tapos kanta na lng tayo ng ninong song para masaya...

"MAKUALY ANG BUHAY, MAKULAY-ANG BUHAY! SA SINABAWANG GULAY!"
*to the voice of Sese...wla lang...*

discombobulation

2007-07-06T14:10:00.000+08:00

“Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...”
-Michael Stipe

i thought i knew everything...
life, love, luxury and lamentation
i was wrong...obviously not all i think about are that obvious...
which led me to years of isolation.
for the longest time i have lived in a cave. thinking...thinking...and thinking...then dying...

PUCHA!

thinking isn't all that bad...
it actually gets you going...
makes you more alert with your surrounding...
and tends to serve as a great protection for your well being...

PUCHA!

but when it comes down to it...
thinking SUCKS!!!

SSSSS
UUUUU
CCCCC
KKKKK
SSSSS

have you ever came to a point when stupidity counts?
i mean not useless stupidity.
sa tagalog ba e...TANGA!
or in a more subtle term...MANGMANG!
it's not that everything that happens matter nor your every action has a motive.
you just need to do what you have to do and do it right and be yourself and have fun..blah...blah...

yung tipong the only reasons of being are:
-you just do
-you just are
-you are just you

no more Confusius, Lao Tse or Mahatma Ghandi theory-in-life reason.
and as of the moment eh you don't care about the uncaring world and you just want to be honest with yourself?

am i making a point?

you really don't have to think what others...er...the OTHER for that matter...may think...
basta magkakasama...er...magKAsama...kayo at masaya...ok na dapat yun ndi ba?
if it really matters, there should be no animosity, ilang-ness at unnecessary hiya...

bakit nga ba?

is it me...
is it them...er...her...

PUCHA!!!

as a note worthy advice said..."take everything one at a time"
i should live the now rather thinking about tomorrow...

am i afraid of what might happen?
am i afraid that i might sink much deeper?

PUCHA!!!!!

NAG-IISIP NANAMAN EH!!!

nakakasawa mag-isip ng mga walang kabuluhang kahihiyan, kararatnan at kasawian...
wala pa naman...

...

but the good thing is...
because of such thinking...
i learned the don'ts...
i learned to prioritze...(i think...i do!)
i learned to sacrifice...
and hopefully with such arsenal, i could hit homerun...

let my reality be enough for the reality i seek...
may divine intervention kick in...
god bless my soul...

PS: pasensya na sa drama mode ng post...minsan lang nmn e...

my fave pix

2007-07-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

the best group pic!

formal kuno...

the star of the night...hehe...

i stand corrected

2007-07-04T09:38:00.000+08:00

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
-Henri Nouwen

our trip to pangasinan has got to be one of the most memorable thing that i've done as a builder. i had fun. we had fun. i learned about others. others learned about me. we learned about each other. it was a blast!

but in times like this, in times that i'm at my utmost personal upheaval, i usually keep things to myself. in the excitement of it all, i found a source to talk to an imaginary person, one that may not speak to me but at least listen to me via a black screen of random thoughts - the mindnight hunt. then again, i don't want to use such media to cover up a less verbal tactlessness. such idea is absent in me as my public diary is filled with wonderful thoughts - thoughts i will cherish forever. the bottomline is i don't know if i stood on anyone's feet...i'm not that sure but it seems i did...

perhaps i said too much. it seems that i spoiled everyone's enthusiasm on the matter. if it truly is me i'm seeing on the diaries of the agrieved, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt anyone nor piss off anyone. believe me that's the last thing i want to do. i hope no bond may be wasted.

yes i know broken glass can never mend without any marks of the past. i just hope the thought of recollection may be an idea worth considering. i don't know what else to say but my apologies. like what i have said in the session, if i do hurt anyone along the way, just tell me and i will make up for it. i'm not a perfect person. i make mistakes. we all make mistakes. it is in the standing up, patching up and working out that, hopefully, counts.

for the nth time my sincerest apologies. my previous post have become a great concern for some and i hope such concerns end at that. without wax, i'm sorry.

i hope this post may be of any consolation to you.

Lingering Contradictions and Confusions

2007-07-02T17:44:00.000+08:00

If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.

-Tom Peters

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

-John Wooden

To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a civilized man.

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.

-Victor Frankl

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

-Gilda Radner

i just arrived from the bodega's greatest activity so far...Pangasinan Gastro...

sa totoo lang inaantok pa ako and i'm in no mood for any posts...heck i don't have any computing equipment (ie. PC), nor photos for a good post, nor inspiration to do so, nor environmental convenience to do so...but still i did...ndi ko alam kung bakit but i did.

actually maglalaro lang sana ako at magaayos ng blog layout...but when i put in the "howling tape", i began to incorporate what had happened to me to what i'm feeling to what i'm thinking and to what i'm listening to. and i started to recall every little thing i want to say since time in memorial. ika nga ni kissables (see kissescomics.blogspot.com: issue 88) "Pucha!" Here i go again, ang dakilang pala isip. ayoko kasing magdrama at magsabog ng emotions...lalo na sa blog, but from where i'm standing e parang ito lang ang meron ako. i do have friends, family and a very long shot chance to a certain person, pero hindi ko alam kong bakit hindi ako magsalita. madaldal ako alam nyu yun. but i came to realize na i'm someone who talks a lot who doesn't really say anything. gets? with that said, i'm a god-forbiding worst case of suicidal freak of nature. but not today...it's gastro layout day...at least sa blog na 'to.

as i was saying before i was rudely interupted by myself, galing nga kaming gastro. ang saya!

PUCHA! sabi ko nga kay tessalonica, "In times like these i'm proud and glad na nakapasok ako ng builder!" and it's true. the whole activity is a blast. let me count the ways it is so:

-Bonding kung bonding. i think it is safe to say na ang pinaka nakabonding ko e sina Dohtz dahil sa pamamalengke e nakita ko ang independent yet fun side niya, sa cooking, naaasar ko siya in a way i never thought would work, sa idle moments e we had laughs and side emos, at Sir Ean dahil sa pix taking, art kung art ang mga kuha, kay Juday/DUGE, na napaka lambing at cute, frisbee playing na dive kung dive, inuman session (PARE!), pusoy, na kung saan siya isang malupet na hassler, at sa sand things making, fire in the hole, air attack at shotgun squad...haha! Siyempre bond pa rin sa lahat like the cooking session ko with Sir Armand, the improving values and friendship with Nash, Lokohan blues with Bhadz, Stephen at Sir Nico, na hindi ko akalaing magwowork...but it did...,Allan with the "ang gaan ng feeling" session niya pati na rin sa mga photo ops, Ninong na kahit nagkasakit siya e nakabawi nmn nung second day...the eagle is approaching...hehe, at kay Tessa, na in spite na puro tulog lang siya at mejo hindi ko mashado naramdaman ang pressence niya e i still had the time to joke around and talk with her, lalo na dun sa...(next item)

-Bull session to the exsaspirating level. lahat ay nagkasabihan ng mga saloobin at damdamin. it is something na kailngan talaga ng bodega. it is the first for tnb and i hope that it runs in the blood of the next higher ups. the activity is indeed a good excercise for working people's relationship. lalo na sa ganitong klaseng trabaho, trusts, cooperation, strong relationships and effective bonds are necessary to get the machine up and running. un nga, lumabas na ang mga hinanakit, problema at confusions ng bawat isa sa kapwa. i had shocks with some people, gratitude with others and even high regards with some. i was shocked with sir ean's and sir armand's physical bickering on the second day, martial arts application, balcony death dance and photographic misunderstanding ang key terms ng issue na yun. Bhadz had a lot of sharp comments to all of us and it truly was a shock-monster for Sir Nico, Ma-reklamo for the juniors, seniority qualms for his editor batch mates. it truly was an eye opener for me. nabilib naman ako sa speech ni sir onics about his way of leadership. since most of us see a troubled reign, he justified his actions and personally, i do understand where he's coming from. in fact, kung ako ang mapunta sa lugar niya, i would do the same. then again i was grateful with the turn of events kasi nailabas ko nmn ang sama ng loob ko and i think the issues i had with nash and dothz are over. salamat den at least nakikita nila ang efforts ko and such acknowledgement do lift you up. so i have to prove my worth and continue what i do.

-the inuman part was a shocker. everyone had a lot except sa hindi tomador at kay ninong na may sakit at kay sir nico na i doubt tinamaan den. smoker na rin sina badhz at sir ean...haha...xnxa na kung may mabuking... we had a lot of laughs at serious talks. kasu unti-unting kaming nalagas as allan and nash gave in sa tama. after that e chikahang lalake na...let's just leave it at that...PARE!!! wahahahaha!!!

- ang ganda ng lugar the scenery was great, awesome in fact. ang daming pwede for artistic shots. the rooms were cozy. ang nega lang tlga ay ang beach na may nangungurot na alagad ni ate anna. haha...katuwa pa kasi nung second day e sobrang nag-low tide at lumayo ang dagat. ganda tuloy mag sand thingy making. kakatawa lang kasi kada tapak e may parang gumagapang. tawa ako ng tawa pag kinikilabutan sa kada tapak nila stephen at nash e...parang nakatapak ng ipis sa dagat. all in all ang lufets ng lugar.

-personally natuwa ako sa independence ng grupo. we were able to push through with the activity smoothly. financially, ambag lng ng P100 ang excess but that is nothing compared to the experience we had. yung pinamalengke pa e may extra, andami food, overflowing in fact, tapos the turn out e we had better relationship. hindi pa tlga ma-sure kung the gastro did strengthen our bond. it will be evident until we meet again next term at magtrabaho. but i am really postive that it will.

hindi ko actually ma sum up ang buong gastro in one short post. my gastro experience will continue in my posts and in my life as such is unforgettable. kung pwede lang puro pix ang i-post ko e...yun cguro sa part 2 ng post ko...i know lahat ng taga-bodega e may kanya-kanyang post. looking forward to reads other's insights. then again this is mine and the list may go on for years. period muna dito kasi lahat ng pix e nasa bodega pa e...i'll hunt more some other time.

...signing off...

what's next

2007-05-13T10:20:00.000+08:00

Whew!

Grabe. After ng ilang araw ng petiks e ito na po ang trabaho. ang MGA trabaho. Hindi lang isa. Hindi lang dalawa. Hindi lang tatlo. Kundi sandamakmak. Hindi nmn aku nagrereklamo. Masaya nga e. sadista ako e. yun nga lang nakakapagod. Let me count them…

- 2 field report
- 3 articles (1 news, 1 cf, tech)…so far
- 1 english wt (taeng gawain!)
- 2 news run (news at sports)
- 3 seminars na hahagilapin…check-check ako sa kung saan-saang department…lecheng requirement sa slhs
- 1 napakahabang powerpoint presentation para sa isang walang kentang subject…kailangan mo lang para mag-martsa ka…(NSTP po yun…)
- 1 debate prep (taeng gawain ule)

Yun na nga ba yun? Feeling ko may kulang e. hmm. Ika ko nga dati e – Bring it ON!!!!!
Nga pala…HAPI MADER’S DAY sa lahat ng mga mamis…especially syempre sa nanay ko!
Magahanda na lang kami ng utol ko para masaya. Balak ko sanang dalin siya sa MOA at manuod ng fireworks mamayang gabi kaso bc nga ako sa skul at tnb works ko e. (ang kulet!). hehehe…

Luv u MAMI!!!

Anyway, as I was saying, andami ko ngang gagawin. Buti n lng by this time e natapos ko na yung iba. But then again pahirapan xa. Alam ko nagdaan din yung iba jan. let me count them…
(in no particular order)

- si Ninong (ang dakilang problemado sa lahat ng bagay…hehe…mula sa simpleng pagtulog, sa mga kagrupong uncooperative na e dinaya pa sa grades, tapos pinahihirapan pa ng tadahana sa tnb…pahirapan sa layout at news gathering at coverage, tapos nablock pa ang blog niya sa tnb ofis kasi andami masyadong nagviview, kaya akala ng doit e pornsite, at ang pinkamalaking pinagkakaabalahan niya ngayon…ndi ko alam kung anu yun pero kitikitex siya lately eh…hehe)

- si Ate Anna (and mahiwagang sirenang nangangalap ng abalang sargasum para sa kanilang thesis b yun o ewan, tapos nahihilo pa sarili niya kung cras niya b yung chokolateng teddy bear n yun. E magkokosert pa ang cueshe. E d hilo nnmn siya sa mga cras niya…hehe)

- si Sir Nico (nahihirapan ba siya ngayon? Ndi ko masyadong alam e. ndi xa masyadong tumatamabay…perhaps bc siya sa anyang juwawers…hehe…ang sweet nila sa phone…kainggit…kelan kaya ako…hehe)

- si Sir Ean (hmm. Mahirap to…siya kasi e parang mini-SIr Ace…gagawa lng daw pag ginusto ng katawan. Pag ayaw e bahala na si batman, superman, aquaman, ironman, at wonderwoman. Gaya ni sir Onics, bc siya cguro sa kanyang chixses. Lagot siya kay ate Eunice. Hehe…tuloy kaya yung night swimming? Anyway…hehe)

- Sir Armand (ah eto madali lang i-enumerate ang ka-bchan nito. Ehem…andaming chicks, from bus-kalabiting-longlegged-morenang-texter-na-katabi-lang-ang-nagbabasa, to all of the coeds in the world. Tapos may mga business ventures xa with his associates, 3 online article writing sideline, csc master, unicef master-guru-taicho-leader-panginoon, mr. 1.10 of the universe, news editor at kung anu-ano pang sasalihan niya in the future…hehe)

- -si Ate Jennibeth (hmm. Like sir Nico, ndi ko rin mxdong alam e. ndi ko masyadong alam ang gawain niya sa buhay. Ang alam ko lang may tito siya at kayod marino siya sa studies. Enough said…hehe)

So the point is that walang kwenta ang burden ko. Walang sinabi sa mga master ko dito sa tnb. In short e shut up n lng ako and just do what I have to do. Kaya tama na muna ang blog at kol at gawin mo na ang article mo…(speaking to self). Hay.

Tsaka na muna ang buhay ko, pakasasa muna ako sa academics at writing stuff ko. Kaya wala akong gf e. Awts! Darating din yan...di ba? (agree naman kung sino mang makakita nito...huhuhu...how patetik!)

Lord have mercy on my soul. Kaya natin ‘to…

one at a time

2007-04-25T09:57:00.000+08:00

pahirapan talaga ang buhay. andaming aberya - parang gulong, parang bangkang papel, parang uno stack-o, parang sand castle, parang kung anu-ano pa. kapagod.

na-op talaga ako nung pumunta kami ng printing press kahapon. masaya siya, don't get me wrong. kaso may kulang. there's something wrong, something missing, something not right...for me. honestly, hindi ko alam kung anu. ayus naman dun sa press mismo. pero pagnasa chikot na e sobrang tahimik ko. bakit nga kaya? sabi ko wala lang, sabi ko nag-aadjust pa aku sa crowd, sabi nila natatae daw ako, sabi ko inaanotk ako. but i really don't know? putsang discombobulation yan! i have to do more thinking about that. pero pagod na akong mag-isip! lagi na lang nag-iisip - sa clase, sa buhay, sa babae, sa pera, sa luho, sa lahat na!!! kayo ba e napapagod na rin?

malulugmok na sana aku kagabi e. e naging can opener si sir nico...

i had to spill the beans...ika nga. hindi ko alam kung bakit nagsalita ako bigla...dahil ba isa na lang ang kausap ko? dahil ba napilitan ako? dahil ba nagsawa na aku sa pagiging tahimik sa kotse? dahil ba i felt trapped? dahil ba no choice? dahil ba gusto ko na ring mag-open up? dahil ba gusto ko na rin maging isang builder? dahil ba may pangarap din akong gustong masungkit? dahil ba gusto ko na ring magbago???

ang gusto ko talaga sa isang tao e yung may sense kausap pag seryosohan na...pero gago kung gago paggaguhan na! and...hahaha...ganun pala si sir nico. ayus kausap. pushing me and all...and i think i needed that push. anlaki kasi ng pwet ko e. ang hirap bitbitin. haha...but i really needed that talk...sensya na rin kay ate anna at hindi rin aku nakapagpaliwanag when she was still around...not that i need to...but because i want to. ika nga ni sir armand - people ask for an advice not that they don't know what to do but they just want someone to back them up in their choice. so siguro nga ganun ako. i already know what i need to do and what not. pero asar at hirap akung sumunod sa sarili ko diskarte. ang bobo ko, engot!!! di bale ate anna, i hope we can have a deeper talk about life eventually...gastro maybe...and kay sir nico, saludo ako!

ewan ko lang kung na-gets din ni sir nico ang gusto kong iparating. but somehow i think he does. hopefully he did not went into any conclusions...or misconceptions. basta it boils down to one thing - i have to take things one at a time. hay! honestly, alam ko na yun e...kasu nawala yung thought na yun sa akin dahil sa pressure. sir nico bringing that back up is a good thing. sana nga e it would forever stick with me. good luck saken!

inuman na!!!

PS: tessa you oughto know...

and there was silence

2007-04-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

every now and then i need to spend some time to shut up...

i have been yaking for all these time and i think i owe it to some people for me to keep my mouth shut for at least a week. and so it came during the most boring week for those not strong in their beliefs but most exciting for those whose traditions are more than their lives.

yes..The Holy Week.

I am a Roman Catholic per se...as noted in my birth certificate. but i have grown to believe semi-otherwise. i turned out to be someone who cherish his values more than the theatrics of modern day hypocrites (ang tamaan po 'wag magagalit). but then again i may be wrong...to others and even to myself. Inspite my dangling maturity hanging by the tip of its hair, i am still a work in progress. i may be the strong and established person. i may be the person to lean on. i may be know-it-all-kinda-guy. deep inside, i think i'm not. why? i don't know. perhaps a bit of a reality check. perhaps a word of advice from the more knowing. i really don't know. but i think it doesn't matter. what matter is i'm alive and i may still do what i can to be better person. cheesy it may sound but it is true. i still have a long way to go. academically. socially. romantically. fincially. everything.

with that being said, i can strongly say i am excited to see what life has to offer me.

bring it on!

it come when it comes...

2007-03-23T20:16:00.000+08:00

yung na nga...nagdadalaga na si tessa...

nagle-lay-out lang aku dito sa tabi at puro kalalakehan ang sinasabi niya...

anung dapat ko'ng gawin?

i tried to please...

give honest opinions...

give sensible insights...

and that's it...

aba eh kung mag-*sometext missing* at mag-*bleep-bleep* pa aku dito e ndi ko na alam kung anu pa ang mangyari dito...

actually dapat uuwi na kami e...it's 15 mins past eaight...dapat eight uwi na kami...

e mag-update daw aku ng blog...sige kako...

anyway...

buti na lang natapos ko na yung lay-out...then how about my other problems...

personal ones??? do i have one???

o nakikisakay lang aku?

i guess not...anyway...it come when it comes...

ang saya...sadista ata ako...o di kaya's tomguts lang aku...

at si tessa kiti-kitext pa rin...

basta ang sa tingin ko'ng matinung payo'ng naibigay ko sa kanya e be honest to herself at independent...i was...before...ny...own...predicament...

*whoo*

may owl na dumaan...

anyway...

yun lang...next time na magtrip mag blog...

adios mi amigo!!!

PS: isang tao lang ang nakaka-alam kung bakit iyun ang picture na inilagay ko...(",)

come to think of it...

2007-03-19T17:44:00.000+08:00

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS

1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.
4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered, increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

so what's your purpose???

2007-03-15T19:58:00.000+08:00

as i was riding a jeep on my way to mapua, i saw a 25-ish year old lady...teary-eyed and hot-headed, with a 1-year old kid on her arm and a 10 year old lass beside her. I can't help but notice their bickering (lady and young 10+ girl) about completely useless stuff...perhaps to me...but it is to them...it was quite evident...from passing their fare...to the tangeled hair of kid...to the proper fixation of their bag...i mean...come on! if you are a middle-aged person, perhaps educated and mindful...you wouldn't do that to a youngster... right?

i don't know why it is a big deal...i just think...and think...and think...and that scene stuck...

if those three characters were a family...why the unnecessary kurot and hawi/tulak to the kid?
should they be cuddling as sweet child to passionate mother?

i just thought that if ever i would have a kid, i would be the best that i can be...patient, malambing and thoughtful...(gf po muna bagu kung anu-ano pa...)

but then again it's just my perception of random things...try linking it with things that matter more...

politics? econimics? criminology?

naahh!!!

what matters most is doing things with purpose rather than trip mo lang...
don't have a family because trip mo lang...
don't have a girlfriend because trip mo lang...
don't make people do somethings because trip mo lang...
you ought to have reason...
...because you want to procreate...
...because you're ready to die for a person...
...because you want them to learn ~~and not to insinuate imaginary and non-lasting authority~~...

if you don't believe in fate...try thinking about purpose...

Age vs. Maturity

2007-03-14T19:14:00.000+08:00

tessa and i had our very first staff meeting sa tnb...ang saya...pinch me... we already have our first assignments...layouts for tessa...articles for me...research for both of us...exciting...pero meju nakakatakot...siguro naman kaya namin yun...hindi naman kami papasa kung hindi namin kaya di ba?...ganyan talaga ang buhay there's always a first time...

...

but THIS is not the first time...*wink*

(si ninong ay nagpapatugtog ng DIANA...wahahaha...reminiscing kami dito sa office...hahaha...feeling namin linggo ngayun...hahaha...da good ol' days...)

so as i was saying...ang mga issue na ITO ay nuon pa...
inaamag na...
i have always inclined to fight back...not with arms...nor with words...but with wit...talent...skills
kailangan eh...it ought to be pleasant...otherwise we are doomed...
i told her to fight back...she told me no...why?
is it the conflict within...then when?
after the damage has been done?
NO! i told her...strike when the iron is hot...but be gentle...

i'm an advocate of revenge...if you really go for the cut-throat, deep and sustaining...
fight fire with fire...10x hotter if need be...
you can't always be the receiving end...you ought to be the giver...inflictor...
para masaya...kasi kapag ganyan na lang ng ganyan e ikaw ang talo...
if you think keeping the hurt and preventing the hurt of others is maturity...that's just age...
think about it...

tessa's first writing task

2007-03-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

wow...in-edit aku ni tessa...i'm so touched...it is our duty to correct each other's faults if there's one...kami ang magka-batch e...we should see to it that the other is at his or her best...makaka-asa ka na o-okrayin...este...i-e-edit ko din ang gawa mo...para astig...ayaw mo nun...parang may writing task tayu lagi basta't may entry ang isa...hehe...unahan na natin si sir nico sa pag-check ng posts...good luck sa'ten...masaya 'to...(n_n)

black mass

2007-03-12T19:47:00.000+08:00

i finally made it...nakapasok na rin ako sa builder...it truly was an accomplishment...i have sacrificed a lot...my time, my work, my "heart", my brain cells...almost all of me...but i'm happy...i really am...kung hindi man aku nakapasok e...sa writing task n lng ni sir armand niyu malalaman...taking a close look on the pic e mukha n talaga kaming halimaw nuong araw n iyun...especially tessa...mukha siyang ni-rape at kaming tatlo ang naggahasa...(not to mention the ghosts sa salamin...hehe)...ganun kami ka pressured prior the actual announcement...in the whole process to be exact...

when we entered the room...to our surprise e mukhang nag-brown-out...may isang kandila sa gitna ng room...parang birthday n sir nico...hehe...the mood was very fitting...not to mention the background music...(nakalimutan ko n nga yung kanta e...editors and staffers plis remind me kung anu yun...(",) )...the atmosphere was taunting...ang saya...sadista ako e...on the table there were five probee pictures with messages at the back...it was a token of appreciation of some sort...a real tear jerker...

after a run of emotional insights and uplifting comments...kami ni tessa ay pinalayas...

sa labas e nag shake hands na kami ni tessa...ndi sa dahil alam naming tanggap kami kundi to congratulate a job well done through out the term...if ever na kami pala ang tanggal e ok lng...kung kami ang natanggap e fitting yung gesture nmin sa isa't-isa...

then we came back inside...kinamayan aku ni harold...was it a white flag? ayun na nga...nagsimula na yung acting...kesyo wla daw matatangap...at talagang maniniwala na sana aku nun...e biglang tumayo si sir nash...itigil na daw ireng cliche na ginagawa nila...ang galing kasi nilang umakting eh...hands down...tawanan at asarana ang nangibabaw sa room...after the whole thing settled...nagbigay n ng instructions si sir nico about the lockers and allowances etc...hindi pa mashadong nag-sink-in sa akin...but we were BUILDERS at that moment...whew!!!

natapos ang gabi sa cantonan...sharing our insights...hehe...nag-iinarte si harold na ang kapal daw ng mukha niya na sumama pa sa amin...sabi namin na wag na siyang mag-inarte...official tambay na rin nmn siya e...probee siya nila sir vj at sir ramon...sabi ko nga hindi pdeng hindi siya mag-re-retake sa august e...bibigwasan ko siya...(joke!)...but both tessa and i will look forward to it...

sina sherwin at ezrah umuwi na...sabi ko pagnanlibre kami ni tessa e kasama silang dalawa at si harold...

sabi rin ni sir nico gagawa daw kami ng bonus article about us passing the probee term...yun n kaya ang una nming article...hehe...

what a term...

god bless our souls...SALAMAT PO!!!(n_n)

primitus perscriptio meus

2007-03-12T17:53:00.000+08:00

i'm writing my first entry on my brand new blog...i'm at the TNB office with tessa and dothz...at sila ay naghuhuntahan about some guy...talk about being ostracized...at biglang dumating si sir SSSSSSSSS...hehe...pa-english-english pa...anyway, gumawa na rin aku finally ng blog kasi kinukulet aku ni tessa...hehe...at para rin may outlet aku sa mga problema ko...aside from talking to actual people...hehe...hindi ko na kailangang masabihan pa ni sir armand na may topak ako because of having a blog...tama b yun...anyone care to clarify...yung mga adik sa blog...justify...hehe...ginawa ko rin pala 'to in time sa pagpasok ko sa builder...para ka-edad ng builder life ko ang blog na'to...ngayon e masaya ang mood ng blog na 'to...but i think it will eventually darken...let's see...actually inaayos ko pa ang blog ko e...si tessa kasi...puro "malandi, malandi" ang sinasabi dito...tapusin ko na muna ireng kabuuuan ng blog ko tsaka ko itutuloy ang mga kadaldalan na ire...(n_n)...(asar na bold ko pa!!!)