my first column...bow!

author's note: ito po ang pinaka una kong column sa The New Builder, ang oficial student publication ng Mapua. ito po ay ang raw na gawa ko para kay Armand, Editor-in-Chief namin. makikita natin balang araw, sa paglabas ng unang issue ng taong 2008, kung ganu ka rami ang mawawala sa original kong gawa dahil pers taym ko pong sumulat ng ganire...at least ng isang matinong ganire...at marami pa po akong rooms for improvement. i-negate na po natin yung ginawa ko nung high school dahil basura lang po talaga yun. now, without further ado...

Wonderland

MORPHEUS

Do you want to know what the Matrix is, Neo?

NEO swallows and nods his head.

MORPHEUS

It's that feeling you have had all your life. That feeling that something was wrong with the world. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad, driving you to me. But what is it? It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

NEO

What truth?

MORPHEUS

That you are a slave, Neo. That you, like everyone else, was born into bondage...kept inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

NEO

How?

MORPHEUS

Hold out your hands.

In Neo's right hand, Morpheus drops a red pill. In his left, a blue pill.

MORPHEUS

You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. Remember that all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more.

Neo opens his mouth and swallows the red pill. The CHESHIRE S­­­MILE returns.

MORPHEUS

Follow me.

The Matrix, 1999

Released by Warner Brothers Pictures

Choices in general

Choices have always been a hard kicker ever since the world began. It is as relentless as a pack of Scourge trailing your sorry hide even after evading them, blinking away from them and even stunning such darn creeps. From choosing the sweeter candy or picking the better toy, choices will always knock at your brain amidst your daydreaming.

As I was on my way home one late evening, I came upon a common dilemma among students, a fork on the road, if you may – should I ride a jeep or an FX? Yes, you would scowl at me at such shallow circumstance. FYI, it may be a decision of a lifetime. So let me break it down for the benefit of those doubting Thomases raising their brows.

Let’s say I went for the jeep. Pros of such choice are quite evident for the thrifty. Taking that option may well give me that coveted 20 percent student discount in my fare. Not to mention that jeep fares are already 50 percent cheaper than the alternative. But with the price comes that slap in the face. Literally. Have you ever experienced being bogged up with black smoke by those monster-of-a-truck? Not to mention the accessibility of thugs and thieves ready to plunder on your sweet valuables. On the other hand, FX offers the convenience of taxis at a much cheaper price. Though a little more expensive than the conventional jeep, FX caters to students with a little more budget in their hands. Now comes the nail biter. With its confined space for a passenger of 10, there is a much greater chance for crooks to actually send that FX to a dark spot and take your ever-valuable PSP. In short, confined spaces more often than not equate to more vehicular robbery cases. I guess victims can back me up on this claim.

So what does this all mean? Any choice will always have pros and cons. It is in the realization and recognition of its effect to an individual at a personal level that gives the true meaning of a choice in the first place.

Blank choices are not choices at all.

Responsibility and choices

People tend to carry the weight of the world upon their shoulders. With an unending supply of complementary drama, responsibilities will always and forever be a shadow of one’s choice. Unfortunately, due to the dynamics of modern animosity, majority of us are inclined to set aside, if not totally neglect, the responsibility of our choices.

I really can not see the essence of someone taking loads when they can not fulfill their duties in doing so. I am just a common student and I know excellent credentials and insurmountable industrial experience are a big wow. But is the blinding diploma hanging in the wall or the title sticking beside the name all that there is to it? I don’t think so. I’d rather have an average friend as a peer adviser than someone at the brink of a vegetative state. I really don’t have anything against ill-stricken people but I know I deserve something much better. I know everyone does. I think no institute would want its students to have weak education. Weak education means a weak foundation. And a weak foundation means downgraded engineers. That I am sure is a no-no for any school. I just hope this would be looked upon and accounted for as I have drained away by something that could have been prevented from the start.

People do tend to swallow more than they can chew.

Invitation to my fate

Welcome to my freshly popped column. Yes I know this is yet another spot for personal views and in sights. But before you turn that page and leaf up to the centerfold or to the Coed’s page, I want to tell you something that you might want to consider. Read further for details.

As I was saying, TNB have once again opened up a slot for personal notes on important issues. And yes this is PSEUDONYM – loosely defined as a fictitious name used by an author to conceal his or her identity. In short, a pen name. Now why would you want to have a pen name? Or further continue reading, for that matter?

Like what I have been babbling on and on for the previous paragraphs, this column is provided by TNB to be a slot for personal notes and important issues. And with that, I am giving this slot to our loyal, if not forced, readers. Yes, I am giving the Mapuan community – whether you’re a student, a faculty, an administrator or whatever – the opportunity to use this spot for any relevant issues. Just send me an email. Send me a text message. Give me a knock at our office. Tap me at the back wherever and whenever in Mapua. Just let me know your concern and I would personally give an in depth research on your inquiry and set everything straight on your behalf.

Why? Well, you can always take the blue pill and let your story, your issues, and your drama end. You can wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. On the other hand, you can take the red pill and stay in Wonderland and I will personally show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. Remember that what I will offer you is the truth.

Nothing more.

Greetings

Wow! This IS an actual wide-scale greeting spot. Haha! I would just like to greet my parents for always understanding my everyday early mornings and late nights. I also would like to extend my advanced Congratulations and Happy Wedding to my Kuya Vixen and Ate Anna on 08-08-08. Of course I will not forget to say wazzup to my TNB family – ThessQ, Joe, Patty, Dothz, Nash, Bhadz, my batch mates Tessa, Harold, Paulo and Allan, my co-editors Armand, Ean, Stephen and Mel, and our Adviser Prof. Benigno Agapito, Jr. Hello also to my best pals Jerson Sta. Ana and Frank Tan.

I guess that will be all. I am not yet saying my goodbyes anyway. Hope to hear from you Mapuans soon.

Contacts

PSEUDONYM email: pseudonym.tnb@gmail.com

Contact no.: Cel# – 09153202726

TNB office – 2475000 loc. 3401

Blog: beshan.blogspot.com

i'm sooo happeee!!!

i'm happy.

as simple as that.

why?

let me see...

-i passed all my subject this term. akala ko e totopakin yung prop ko at ilalaglag ako...dun pa sa
2 major ko. lalo na yang lintek na geo na yan na sobrang wala kaming basis for grading maliban na lang sa palpak kong quizzes, nerve-racking naming reporting at kopyahan mode ko na finals. i was most definitely wrong...in fact...he even gave me a high mark. para akong bata na binigyan ng kendi pagkatapos bunutan. i'm sooo happeee! damn it feels good...i hope magtagal ang ganireng pakiramdam. balita ko kasi pag puro major ka na e mejo rare ang matataas na grades. heaven sent na ang tres...(well except kay master armand...1.25 is quite a dissapointment...hehe...pis tayu ser!) nevertheless, ayos na lahat ng academic probelms ko sa previous term. on to the next hell term...god save my soul!

-i was chosen to be the next features editor ng tnb. yay! my dream come true. after all my efforts sa bodega e somehow nakita nila na deserving ako sa position na 'to. kaya ang maibabalik ko lang e ang maging isang mabuting bata at ayusin ang trabahong nakalaan sa akin. to all those who made my promotion possible, ay tenk yu! sa wakas may scholarship na ako na sa akin na talaga nakapangalan. mukang dito ko na masisimulang maisaayos ang takbo ng aking long over due na pag-aaral. hayz...tenks talaga!

-may bago na kaming teebee sa kwarto. hehe. nanalo si erpats sa raffle ng x'mas party nila. mababaw man titignan pero semi-big deal siya ngayon sa bahay namin. demet kasi ang bakasyon na 'to e. hindi naman sa ayaw ko pero pag sumobra kasi e nakakabagot na. at least pag may teebee na sa kwarto e makakapanood na ako ng porn...este...vcd's, teebee shows at kung anu-ano pa. kaya ko nga kinarir na ayusin ang kwarto namin ngayong para masaya ang atmospir ng pagtatambayan ko for the most of my christmas vacation. actually pwede naman ako gumimik from time to time. kaso parang puro bcbchan pa rin ang mga tropa ko e - hayskul frends man o taga bodega. anyway, i promis to take care of you, my baby teebee...hehe. kaya sa mga may balak gumimik jan e txt nu lang ako e col ako jan. any place, any time...hehe!

***

i'm sad...quite...

as simple as that.

let me count the why's:



PUCHA!

...h'wag na muna.
sa ibang post na lang.
masaya na ako e.
sisirain ko pa ba mood ko.
hehe...
next time na lang 'pag nasa senti mood na ako...

as of now...

i'm happy.

as simple as that!

plain and simple

i don't feel so good.
i feel that there is something wrong.
i want things to stay the same.
i don't want bonds breaking.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY

hind ko kayo tatantanan

anu nga ba ang dapat na paguugali ng isang tao?
dapat bang maging mabait?
dapat bang maging totoo?
dapat bang maging santo?

anu ba ang maging mabait?
'yung oo na lang ng oo sa lahat ng ibabato sayu?
'yung kahit nakakainis na at sobrang nakakapangkulo na ng dugo e parang wala lang sa tuwing ipapakita mo ang ikinikilos mo?
'yung maging plastic for the sake of harmony? for the sake of a crumbling relationship?

anu ba ang maging totoo?
totoo in a sense na alam mo ang tama at yun ang ginagawa mo?
totoo in a sense na kahit alam mo na mali ang iba e ipapaliwanag mo sa kanya ang kanyang pagkakamali? o mananahimik ka na lang?
totoo in a sense na ok lang ang lahat kapag biruan pero nagkikimkim ka ng sama ng loob pag trabaho na ang usapan?

anu ba ang maging santo?
parang si judy ann santos na kahit nginungudngod na ang mukha sa batsa ng maduming labada e parang nagpapa-feysyal lang kay vicki belo at ok na ang lahat?
parang kahit ikaw na ang pinaka maskulado sa balat ng mundo at buhat mo na ang daigdig e ngiti ka lang at ikakatwiran mo pa sa lahat na "para ma-experience ko lang..."
parang kahit na taguan na ang eksena sa hirap ng buhay e ikaw na lang ng ikaw ang nagtatrabaho at pinagtatawanan ka lang ng mga lintek na magagaling?


NO! NO! NO!

SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!


...i don't think so...

so let me introduce to you myself...

ahem...


ako kasi ang isang tao na confrontational.
hindi ako nakikipagsapakan on the spot.
mukha akong bouncer pero tamed naman ako within.
kapag may problema ako sayo e i'd be more than willing to find a way to talk to you.
perhaps matagal bago ko magawa.
perhaps malilimutan ko na yung problema sa sobrang tagal.
pero if i found a chance to talk to you and i did, ok na ako dun.
ok na tayo...dapat...
ok in a sense na naintindihan mo ang problema ko at naintindihan ko ang problema mo at nagkasundo na tayo ng buong puso.
but for whatever reason e hindi pa rin tayu ok...
e mas malaking problema yun.
ika nga ni mike enriquez e hindi kita tatantanan.
talagang hindi kita tatantanan
yes...
i may look lyk a complete idiot at some time.
lewd most of the time.
nonsense almost every time.
pero when worse comes to worst.
when problems come in and devour my environment.
'wag ka...
malulunod ka sa akin.
magbabago ang pananaw mo sa akin at sinasabi ko sayo e makikinig ka talaga sa akin.
uulitin ko...
at pag hindi ka nakinig, babalikan kita hangga't hindi mo ako naiintindihan...
ipaiintindi ko sayo ang problema ko...
kung ako mali...
ok lang...at least natuto ako.
ok lang sa akin na mapahiya as long as natututo ako.
pero siguraduhin mo lang na may sense ka kung hindi...
makakatikim ka sa mga prinsipyo ko...


so dat's me when it comes to such issues.

may nakakarelate ba o talagang weird lang ang disposisyon ko sa buhay?

gusto ko sanang isa-isahin ang lahat ng mga tao sa paligid ko na nakapagpalitan ko na ng kurukuro kaso baka tawagan ako ng kumare ni ninong na si kumareng JK Rowling para i-publish ang nobelang magawa ko.

but due to insistent personal and psychological demands...
i-isa-isahin ko ang lahat ng mga taong ito hanggat makakaya ko...(blind item please...)

-nakatunggali ko na siya nuon. i made it to a point na makausap ko siya. i really don't know kung nagkaintindihan kami nuon o lalu lang kaming nag-away pero as of now e i really appreciate his outrageous honesty. perhaps because of that confrontation e ok n kami ngayun as compared before.

-second confrontation. very shallow. very silent. dahil lang sa isang trabahong unfortunately e napagitnaan ko. just a tap at the shoulder and i think ok na....sana...

-triple kill...mas mababaw. biruan na nauwi sa personal issues. need i explain more. basta as of press time e weird pa ang lahat and ika nga ni hermione granger e "i've got loads to tell you," nagkausap man kami before pero i didn't feel the sincerity of it. isang opportunity lang talaga ang ibigay sa akin e you will most definitely feel my words.

-sayang ka iha...i had my highest regards for you before. i even tried to defend you. but due to certain events e everything went crashing down. pakuswelo de bobo e nakausap na kita. usapan na maituturing ko na isa sa pinakamatinung conversation sa talangbuhay ko sa kolehiyo. it truly tested my character and beliefs. however, it just too unfortunate na kailangan pang mauwi sa ganun para lang magkaintindihan tayu. hindi ko alam ang reaksyones mo about such pero i believe we can start fixing the broken foundation. i trust you naman in that regards.


...i think those mentioned above are enough.
others may be too early to consider...
pwede in the future when they matter in my life.

but as of now
it is much better na ganito ako.
i'm happy this way.
i hope they are happy the way they are.



PS: sa mga taong malapit sa akin sa mundong ginagalawan ko ngayon e nawa'y maging matatag tayo sa pagsubok ng buhay at muli nating itaguyod ang mundong unti-unti nang nababalutan ng kung anu mang lecheng kadugyutan...siya nawa...

redundancy department of redundancy

alam mo yung feeling na parang nangyari na ang isang bagay?
'yung tipong "...ito na naman...!?"
hindi ba amfness yung ganun.
parang pinaglalaruan ka ng isang mamang nasa likod ng techpen at nagdodrowing sa likod ng math notebook ng tadhana.
kung anu ang i-drowing niya e ala kang magagawa dahil kapag pumalag ka e buburahin ka niya.
sarap sabihin sa mamang iyon...

"DEMET KA! GANDAHAN MO NAMAN ANG TRIP MO!"

pero syempre hindi mo talaga pwedeng gawin yun kasi magmumukha kang tanga sa mata ng iba.
ang pwede mo na lang gawin ay ang sumangayon at maging sunud-sunuran sa daloy ng pagkaka-ayos ng grid lines ng kwadernong nakakainis (i.e. math notebook...nagbabasa ka ba!?)

pero anu nga ba ang dapat gawin para maging masaya ang kalokohang buhay na sinusunod natin?

...mabuhay bilang isang tuliro't hilo?
...magpakasira-ulo sa mga gawaing animo'y walang kabuluhan?
...mag-inarte sa kalsada habang nag-yoyosi at magmuni-muni over someone or something impossible? (hmm...)
...pagtawanan ang lahat ng kaguluhan sa buhay sa harap ng lahat ng katalsik laway mo at umiyak na lang sa bahay kapag ang lahat ng kadaupang-palad mo ay tumalikod na at kapwa nagmumuk-mok sa kani-kanilang bahay-aliwan...este...bahay?
...or none of the above?

ikaw?
anu sa tingin mo ang dapat gawin?

ako kasi parang ginawa ko na ang lahat para maka-alpas sa lintek na bolpen of destiny na yan eh.
pero parang ipinagdidildilan niya na ikaw ay maging ganito...maging ganyan...
kailangan ganito ka sa kanila.
kailangan maging ganito ka sa kanya.
kailangan ganito ang gawin mo para maging ganito kayo.

amfness...amf-mode...amf...amf...amf...

pero in fairness...minsan...pag nasa tama akong ulirat eh astig ang ganitong set up.
yung sobrang magpapakasasa ka sa same, old, boring routines para 'pag may bago e you will cherish that change in you.
at pag nagsawa ka ulet sa change na yun eh may darating ule na bago ang the cycle repeats itself...

...i guess that's life...

though it hurts...
though it sucks...
though it's tough...

...that's life...

sana nga lang eh matapos na ang dapat matapos para pag tapos na eh tapos na rin ang pag-iisip, ang paghahaka-haka, pagdaramdam, paglalaway, pagkakamot at pagpapakaplastik...
and when that day comes...

...heaven...

daig niya ang lahat ng heaven na nararamdamang heaven-heaven-an ng iba.
ang heaven-heaven-an na nakukuha daw sa weekly-ing pagniniig...
ang heaven-heaven-an na nakukuha daw sa yosi at inom...
ang heaven-heaven-an na nakukuha daw sa kung kanino man...

i think heaven is being free...
free from the mapanuring standards ng madlang punyemas makapagdeklara ng katotohanan ay parang sila na at sila lang ang magaling...

kung heaven na nga sila e good for them...
if not....may you find your truths and be stranded in that heaven forever...

...as for me...my heaven is yet to come...
...let de ja vu be unto me until such heaven comes...
...may it be not that long...because the cycle is getting into my nerves...

...peste...

saan nagkamali

ang bawat isa sa atin ay nagkamali nang minsan. mula sa buhay, larangan na napili, pag-ibig, pamilya, kaibigan at marami pang iba. kung tutuusin pa nga ay parang kung ilan ang tama na nagawa natin sa tanang buhay natin ay doble naman ang pagkakamali.

pero bakit nga ba? kasalanan nga ba naitn yun? ng iba? ng mga bagay na hindi maiiwasan?

saan naman kaya tayu nagkakamali? kung anung kursong kukunin? kung anong daan ang tatahakin? kung sinong iibigin? kung sinong kaibigan ang pipiliin? kung sinong magulang ang pipiliin? kung sinong pakikisamahan? kung sinong babarubalin?

may isang lalaki. katamtaman ang laki. katamtaman ang kulay. nasa tamang edad. nasa tamang pag-iisip...ngunit wala sa luagr. PU@$*NG IN* sa umaga. PU@$*NG IN* sa tanghali. PU@$*NG IN* sa gabi.

"sa susunod kasi magluto ka ng ulam ng maaga, gago!"

"wag kang magulo! istorbo ka e!" "ARAY! PU@$*NG IN* naman o!"

"SUS! shut up!"

iyan ang mga kataga ng lalaki, mula daw sa puso, paglalamibing at natural niyang damdamin, para kanyang pinakamamahal na...ina...

may isang lalaki. malaki ang pangangatawan. simple. walang kyeme. matalino. hindi naman kapangitan, kung tutuusin. ngunit duwag. masyadong matalino. dumating na ang rosas. dumating na ang tulip. dumating na ang lahat ng uri ng bulaklak. tahimik. utak. kimkim. walang imik. sumipa. tahimik.

"pano kung sabihin ko na gusto kita?"
"ok, i'm flattered..."

"mahal ko na siya, p're!"
"kung ako lang eh ayoko na ng first time. nakakadala e...pagnakakita ng iba, iiwan lang ako"

"alam mo ba minsan nagpapalano nga ako ng malupet na date eh."
"pramis mo yun ah, kaw talaga...nakalimutan mo na...sorry na kung nagtampo ka..."

"'pre, may gusto ako sa isang tao"
"75% ang chance na kilala ko kung sino yan..."
"ano kaya ang magandang gawin?"

salitang walang patutunguhan...o siya nga ba? may upos pa bang naiwan na maaari pang magningas? o tuluyan nang nanguluntoy at namatay sa agos ng panahon?

may isang lalaki. nakatingin sa salamin. hilo. lito. may hawak na patalim. mahaba. purol. kinakalawang. pamatay. lumuha ang lalaki. nalaglag ang patalim. lumuhod ang lalaki. tinulak ang salamin. bumagsak. basag. kumalat. kaguluhuan. dugo.

"saan ba kasi ako lulugar?"
"isip ka kasi ng isip eh. PUCHA!"
"kahit saan pwede ako."

"they will remember this as THE day...babalikan ito ng lahat. ikaw at ang likha mo ang gugunitain nila"

"i can't wait...kailan ka kaya?"
"it comes when it comes."

"ang hirap ng ganito."
"isipin mo na lang na ang buhay mo ang parang pelikula. boring naman kung walang pampakulay. corny kung straight forward."

"pumasok na ba sa isip ko ang sumuko?"

"hmm...dati nung bata...nung mas magulo pa buhay ko..."

"e ngayon?"

"hmm...hindi ko alam...'wag andami ko pang gustong gawin eh"

"talaga?"

"oo naman"

"good luck. may matapos ka kaya?"

"sana..."

"i doubt."

"kaya yan..."

"ganyan nanaman..."

"anung gusto mong gawin ko?"

"plan. know what you really want. act on it. stupid!"

tapeerweyr

Plastic can cover many synthetic or semisynthetic polymerization products. They are composed of organic condensation or addition polymers and may contain other substances to improve performance or economics. There are few natural polymers generally considered to be "plastics". Plastics can be formed into objects or films or fibers. Their name is derived from the fact that many are malleable, having the property of plasticity.

- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

bakit ba kailangang magpakaplastik?

...para ba magpasikat?

...para ba maging masaya ang lahat?

...para ba masabing ikaw ay ganito at ganyan?

...para ba astig ka sa mata ng iba?

...para ba walang problema?

...o para 'wag malaman ang tunay na nadarama? (...madramang pananalita...)

so bakit nga ba?

ikaw...oo ikaw na nagbabasa?

naging plastik ka na ba?

kailan?

bakit?

saan?

kanino?

kung normal kang tao, nakakailang magpakaplastik.

kailangan mong magmaskara, di ba?

kailangan mong maging magaling na artista, di ba?

kailangan kung anu sabihin sayo e oo ka lang, tawa ka lang, sangayon ka lang, biro ka lang, di ba?

so what's the point of being plastik?

mas madali magpaka-totoo di ba?

o hindi?

anadami mo rin kasing dapat i-consider pag nagpaka-totoo ka e...

yung sasabihin ng iba,

yung iisipin ng iba,

yung iisipin mo...

at marami pang iba...

have you been honest lately?